Golf has 25 official Rules.

Public golf has about 400 more.

Nobody wrote them down.

Nobody voted on them.

And yet somehow every golfer who has spent enough Saturday mornings on a muni knows most of them.

These aren't rules about embedded balls, penalty areas or whether your club accidentally touched a grain of sand.

These are the rules that actually matter.

The rules of the muni.

So in the interest of public service, GRIPIT GOLF has decided to finally put a few of them in writing.

You're welcome.

1. The First-Tee Breakfast Ball Doesn't Count

You pulled into the parking lot eight minutes before your tee time.

There was no range session.

Your warm-up consisted of tying your shoes, two violent practice swings next to the cart and whatever stretching you could accomplish while waiting for the group ahead to clear.

Then you step onto the first tee and launch one directly toward somebody's backyard.

That wasn't your drive.

That was a warm-up ball.

Reload.

If anyone asks, you're hitting one.

The breakfast ball is sacred.

2. If You're Going to Suck, Suck Fast

We don't care what your handicap is.

Seriously.

Shoot 72.

Shoot 92.

Shoot 112.

Welcome aboard.

But if you're lying seven, 190 yards from the green and waiting for it to clear because “I can get there with a five-wood”...

We need to have a conversation.

Public golf has room for every skill level.

It does not have room for a four-hour-and-fifty-minute round.

Bad golf is fine. Slow golf is not.

Hit it.

Find it.

Hit it again.

Let's move.

3. Never Give Unsolicited Swing Advice

You know the guy.

You hit one bad drive and suddenly he's Butch Harmon.

“Your problem is you're coming over the top.”

Thanks, Dave.

You shot 97 last Saturday.

Unless someone specifically asks what they're doing wrong, the correct response to a terrible golf shot is:

“You'll find it.”

That's it.

4. Music Is Allowed. Becoming the Course DJ Is Not.

We're pro-music.

It's Saturday morning. The sun is out. We're playing golf.

Put something on.

But there's an important distinction between music in your cart and providing live entertainment for holes 4 through 7.

If the group two fairways over knows you're currently listening to AC/DC...

Turn it down, DJ Khaled.

And remember:

Every foursome gets veto power.

Nobody should have to hit a four-footer while your Bluetooth speaker is explaining your complicated relationship with death metal.

5. The Guy Who Finds Your Ball Gets Naming Rights

You absolutely crushed it.

Middle of the fairway.

Maybe even 290.

Except nobody can find it.

Then your buddy walks 35 yards into the rough and yells:

“Found it!”

Congratulations.

Your 290-yard drive just became a 241-yard drive.

You don't get to negotiate.

The finder determines where the ball actually went.

This is settled muni law.

6. A Six-Inch Putt Is Good

There.

We said it.

We understand that somewhere a rules purist just threw his phone across the room.

Relax.

We're playing Saturday morning at the muni, not Sunday afternoon at Augusta.

If your ball is sitting six inches from the cup, pick it up.

We know how this movie ends.

Nobody needs to watch you mark it, clean it, replace it, read it from both sides and perform your complete pre-putt routine.

That's good.

Now...

A three-footer?

Nice try.

7. If You Hit Into Someone, The Raised-Hand Apology Is Mandatory

Sometimes it happens.

You catch one better than expected.

The wind changes.

The group ahead suddenly decides to stop in the middle of the fairway and conduct a board meeting.

Whatever.

If your ball gets anywhere near another group, you have exactly one move:

Both hands up. Immediate apology.

No pretending you didn't see it.

No suddenly becoming fascinated with your golf bag.

And if it was really close?

Drive up and apologize.

We're golfers.

Not animals.

8. If Your Ball Lands in Something That Hasn't Been Repaired Since the Clinton Administration, Move It

This one may not appear in the official Rules of Golf.

It does appear in the Rules of Municipal Survival.

Cart rut?

Move it.

Bare dirt where grass clearly once had dreams?

Move it.

A crater that appears capable of swallowing a small child?

Move it.

We're not suggesting you fluff every lie like you're preparing a pillow at the Four Seasons.

But public golf occasionally presents conditions the architects did not anticipate.

Use common sense.

We're trying to play golf here.

9. If You Say “That's One” When Somebody Knocks the Ball Off the Tee, You Accept the Consequences

Every foursome has one.

Someone accidentally bumps the ball off the tee.

Silence.

Then, from somewhere behind the cart:

“That's one.”

Absolutely hilarious, Gary.

Nobody has made that joke since approximately 1897.

You are still allowed to say it.

But understand that doing so gives the rest of the foursome permission to ridicule every golf shot you hit for the remainder of the day.

These are the terms.

10. The 19th Hole Is Part of the Round

This might be the most important rule.

You don't have to drink.

You don't even have to stay long.

But when circumstances allow, don't immediately throw the clubs in the trunk and disappear.

Sit down.

Grab something cold.

Settle the bets.

Discuss the putt that absolutely would have dropped if somebody hadn't spoken during your backswing.

Listen to your buddy explain, for the fourth time, how he nearly made eagle on 13.

Because here's the secret:

This is usually the part you'll remember.

Not the 94.

Not the double on seven.

Not the three-footer you missed.

The people.

The stories.

The laughs.

That's the good stuff.

BONUS RULE #11: Nobody Cares What You Shot As Much As You Think They Do

This may be the most important unwritten rule in golf.

We love chasing scores.

We love breaking 100.

Breaking 90.

Breaking 80.

Maybe even shooting that mythical 69 nobody witnessed.

But your playing partners aren't driving home thinking:

Man, Tony really should've made par on twelve.

They're thinking about their own round.

Golf has a funny way of convincing us that every shot is incredibly important.

It isn't.

That's part of what makes the game so damn good.

Tomorrow there's another tee time.

Another drive.

Another birdie opportunity.

Another breakfast ball.

And probably another double bogey.

So play fast.

Fix your divots.

Rake the bunker.

Take care of the course.

Buy a round when it's your turn.

Laugh at the shanks.

And don't be an asshole.

Those are the rules that matter.

Premium gear. Public golf. Good times.

GRIPIT GOLF